Colonoscopy, MRI, what's next?

Happy late Valentine's Day. Here are some valentine cookies I thought about making for you!

It's the thought that counts right? I hope y'all had a nice Valentine's Day, with your sweeties. We watched Fireproof and had Take out while the kids played and ate dinner with friends. It was really nice. If you haven't seen Fireproof yet, I can't recommend it highly enough. I've seen all three of their movies, and Fly Wheel is still my fave, but Fireproof is awesome. The out takes and extras on the DVD alone were enough to make be glad I bought it.

Friday Tracy watched the kids while I went shopping after my MRI. I don't know if I told you or not, but I've had knee pain for the last few years, and in the last year or so it's gotten worse. One of our friends at church just had knee surgery and he recommended his doctor so I finally bit the bullet and went in last Tuesday. Friday I went in for an MRI, and that was an experience. I've had an MRI before, but not like this one. I pulled up to the address where the MRI was scheduled and it was a warehouse type building, in what looked like nothing short of a ravine. Down in a little valley on a dead end side road. Looked NUTHIN' like a medical facility. After filling out my entire life's history and providing photocopies of all my school records for K-12, I took a seat. Someone came to the door and called for someone in the waiting room. I thought it was a family member because she was just wearing jeans and a shirt, but then I noticed the file in her hands. A moment later another employee came to the door and called out for a second patient. She too had on street clothes, ones that caused me to recall tacky day during homecoming week in high school. How many pieces of Premiere Jewelery are really appropriate with a pair of stone washed black jeans and a stained Ole Miss T-shirt anyway, is there anything in Vogue about this? Now I hate to sound like a snob, 'cause I am totally not one. I'm nothing if I'm not plain. But I like my medical professionals in scrubs. There's a wide variety out there, many colors, some with animals, some with cartoon characters, you name it. Just something that announces that you possess some type of license or certificate, and a name tag is nice. Yes, yes, I like a name tag too. These people had none of this. I realize it was Friday. Maybe casual Friday. But really folks, how uncomfortable is a pair of scrubs?

Anyway, after about 15 minutes a man beckons me at the door. He looks as though he is picking me up for a date. Flashback 1987. He is wearing a brown leather bomber jacket, blue jeans, and brown hiking boots. At this point it is only myself and an 82year old man in the waiting room. He opens the door and says "you must be Calista, right this way"....I can hear 38 Special music in my head. I catch a faint whiff of Halston Z-14, or maybe Polo cologne. I follow him down the corridor and begin to wonder just how long this building could possibly be when he opens a door for me that leads outside. I said "we're going outside?" "Yes" he said, "it's right over there." Over where? I don't see anything but a bunch of vehicles, and oddly enough, a patio with some nice lawn furniture and a grill? At this point I'm looking around for a camera, I know I've been punked. "It's in that truck over there by my Mustang." I look up and there is a semi-truck in the parking lot. He had me to walk up on a lift and he hoisted me up to the truck entrance. There was a small little area the size of a bath room with two chairs and a laptop, and then a slightly larger area with the MRI tube. He told me to leave my purse in one of the chairs and he proceeded to strap me into the tube. Literally. He told me it would take 20 minutes and not to move. I couldn't move, I was strapped down. He left the room. All I could think of was the fact that I was tied to a board in a 32 degree room with half my body in this tube while he was out there with my purse. It turned into a Seinfeld moment. 20 minutes is enough to order yourself a new updated wardrobe by phone with my credit card, and I'd be none the wiser. It wouldn't be hard, they know everything about me including the name of my third grade teacher. I mean really, your info is compromised and you think "Wal-Mart, the bank, the waiter," but you don't think about your MRI technician.......I'm watching my accounts, if I see where I've been charged for a new leather jacket, or 80's Power Ballads, I now where I'm going!

Just checkin' in.........

Hey bloggies. I hope y'all are warm. It's taken a turn for the cold here. I was just reading my email and catching up on some blogs and thought I would drop a line before bed.

Elly has a terrible cough and a major runny nose, so we are off to the docta tomorrow. He hasn't seen us in about 3 weeks, so I'm sure he's gettin' pretty frantic that he won't make his rent anyway. The doctor's office we go to has recently grown by leaps and bounds, so they have added several new pre-schoolers in lab coats young doctors right out of med-school to their staff. This does not please me. When I took Elly with her last ear infection we saw one of these new doc's. He was completely whack. It was all I could do not to finish his education for him. She had an ear ache, low grade fever and a cough. We don't need a CAT scan and a lab work-up. Write out a scrip for some decongestant, and some amoxicillan and let's get the show on the road. Let's hope I have better luck tomorrow, but with this being Christmas week, I'm not gonna hold my breath.

I noticed in the front page of Yahoo News (why it's there I don't know) that the Duggar family has welcomed their 18th child. When is Energizer gonna sponsor this woman's uterus? It keeps going, and going..... To each his own, but sheesh???? How do they have time to..er, plan their family? Or brush their teeth for that matter, which really could infringe on the whole planning another one thing......


I am off to bed. Hope you stay warm and cozy all night long!!

Would you like a colonoscopy?

Hey peeps. Hope both of you are having a good day. I am sorry this post is so late in the day, but yours truly has had a MAJOR headache all day. It is finally letting up.

I survived the gastro appointment yesterday. The doctor was quite odd. I had a hard time keeping a straight face when he was talking to me. He was one of those people who is extremely intelligent, a quality I admire in someone tending to my health, and he was clearly well versed in every study that had to do with the whole gut system, and quoted several of them to me. He proceeded to tell me, AND I QUOTE, about "a breath test that could be done, in other parts of the country, but not here, and it's not accurate anyway so he's not sure why they do it, but in some cases they think it determines whither or not you have an abnormal amount of bacteria in your bowels." Ummmm, so doc, what would one call this test? ..... Mrs. Patterson, we'll be checking for fart breath this morning, so remember, no Tic Tacs. Gives a whole new meaning to Potty mouth, now doesn't it? I wonder, if you have diabetes, can they do a flatulence test to see if it smells like candy? Maybe Sydney could get a job in that department. I digress.


Anywho, he agreed with me that the source of my issues is very highly likely to be scar tissue/adhesions, because of the three abdominal surgeries I have under my belt....hahaha, get it, under my belt! He said it wouldn't hurt to go ahead and do the colonoscopy. Yeah, tell my bootie that. If you don't think I NEED it, this is one those things I'm not gonna opt for. He mentioned maybe just a good colonic, or cleansing, might help my discomfort. Yeah, I think I'll skip that one too. I get excited about a clean house, a clean colon, not so much. Besides all that, if I get mad, there won't be anything to hit the fan.



**disclaimer, in case my mother is reading this, no we don't use the word f*rt, in our house.

An apple a day you say.....

For those of you who have never taken children with you to a doctor's appointment, mine are available. Elly is a hands on learner. And wants to learn all.about.the.trashcan. And the hazardous materials container. And though she is quite familiar with the otoscope, and not a big fan, the cord it hangs from just calls her name. For Syd, the world is a text book, a quality I usually admire. Until the doctor walks in and suddenly Sydney Mctalkerson needs to know the proper function of the left ventricular valve.

After three rounds of I Spy, by the way, there is only so much to spy in a small examining room, and almost EVERYTHING is tan, grey, or white, and at least 4 rounds of 'the rhyming game' I was almost OVER it. If it had not been for the fireball of pain I have had in my abdomen for two days, I would have given up and gone home.

You may have noticed my absence for the last couple of days, or not. Anyway, I have been in pain, and not up to much. I am currently amped up anti-inflammatory, Mt. Dew, and chocolate...let the healing begin. I really thought I probably had something like diverticulitis or some such ailment of the intestine because of the pain and lack of any other symptoms. After the nurse read my complaint she requested a urine sample. Yay me. Off I headed to the rest room, Elly in tow. For those of you asking yourself why I didn't leave her in the room with Sydney, re-read paragraph one. Elly thought the whole experience of leaving your pee in a little cubby whole in the wall was extraordinary. "Eww, you're gonna pee-pee in that cup? Why you gonna put it in that little door on the wall, that's gross, what are they gonna do with your pee-pee?" She asked if 'real' people live behind the door, or if they were 'little people?'" Umm.. I'm guessin' too many Keebler Elves commercials. I may not ever get her to eat Fudge Striped cookies again.

When the doctor FINALLY made it back from vacation into the room, Elly was quick to let him know "Mommy had pee-peed in the little cup for him, and she didn't get any on her hands." He was clearly impressed. I was mortified. He did not concur with my diagnosis of diverticulitis, as my blood work was fine, and my urine, piddle, whiz, pee-pee, whatever, sample was normal. Therefore he wants a C.T. scan. I cannot contain my joy. That will be a fun trip, wonder what Elly will entertain herself with there????

Well, in the comments on my last post, Tater Mama you were dead on. I can not tell you how many men I counted harvesting nose goblins as I waited through the same red light for NINE minutes. Southaven really should consider a subway.

And Joann, (I would prop her here if she had a blog, which she doesn't, but she really should, 'cause she needs to get a hobby. Her ENTIRE yard is covered in cobwebs, ghouls, and home made tombstones....for nursery rhyme characters...HOBBY NEEDED..) She is my hair cutting queen. She wanted me to share with you why we laughed AT ME, until we cried Friday after my cardio visit when she cut my hair. Long story short, the doctor examined my breast area because of the pain in my chest wall. I was following my rule of no eye contact/speaking while he was 'performing his task'. I broke my own rule and asked a question, he looked me DEAD in the eye and responded, UGHHH, THEN proceeded to tell me I had beautiful eyes. I wanted to say, "could we talk about my eyes when your hands aren't on my boobs," but what actually came out was...."thank you, you have pretty eyes too???" WHAT?? Who is this person that speaks with my mouth??! It's a good thing they have chocolate there, else I don't think I could EVUH go back! Joann, your tombstones really were cute!

No clever title available at this time......

I really need to proof my posts. I said I've "been a lot" in my last post. I meant to say I've been out a lot. But hey, I've been a lot too, mommy, chef, nurse, cook, dishwasher, personal lackey, you get the pic. I went to the cardiologist this morning. For those of you,(Ginny&Christy) who wanted to know my report, there was no bad news, thankfully. My heart just tends to beat a little faster than some, and my blood pressure is a little on the high side even with the medicine, so I have to schedule a time to wear the BP cuff for 24 hours to see what happens in a 24 hour period. She wanted to know if I could do it on the 4th? Ummm isn't that election day?," I asked. "Yes, do you not want to have to wear it to vote?" she said. "Oh, I couldn't care less about that", I said, "I just don't' think you want my readings from that night". Of course, I have a feeling they might be counting votes for two weeks. My blood work was PERFECT! I could frame the report, it was that good. Thank you LORD. So, that means I can have movie theater popcorn, and M&M's right?

I have to say, the two times I've been to this cardio group have been the most entertaining doctor visits I think I have ever had. I could spend days at this place just *watching people. Mostly, the staff. Did I mention they have a mini bar(minus, you know, actual alcohol) in the patient waiting rooms. Fully stocked, V-8, soda, juice, CHOCOLATE! OBGYN's TAKE.NOTE. They have some serious power struggles goin' on in that joint. The last time I was there the lady siphoning my blood was listening to one of the nurses unload about another nurse. Frankly, I'm not sure if they realized I was not hearing impaired. I'm sure they got the picture when I began to snort with laughter. Today, two more workers were at each other over a conflict in assigning examining rooms that resulted in my being dragged from one room to another down the hall, with EKG leads attached all up and down my body. There's nothing like trying to hold that gown(open in the front)closed, and carry your purse, shirt, bra and Bible, all without tripping over these cords hanging off your body. I looked like the back of my computer with all of the cords plugged into the receptacle. I mentioned to the doctor he might want to add a mediator to his staff.



Then, I went to get my hair trimmed. We're having pic's made for the church directory tomorrow, and I can't look all grey and shaggy for that. Whilst I was enjoying my autonomy since hubby had the kids, I stopped at my favorite place, the Wal-Mart to get a few things, and nature called. Seriously, I had been to Sonic, like three hours earlier and had a Route 44 Dr. Pepper so, you know, I am not kidding. Anyway, it's a good thing I got that taken care of otherwise I would have WET.MY.PANTS. when I overheard the phone conversation of the girl in line behind me. I can only assume that she was talking to a girlfriend, because this is what she said: "No, I di-ent go out wit him very long. He's banana puddin'. You know how nana puddin' be, it's all like, lookin' good at first, but then when it sits there a while, it don't be lookin good no mo" I almost fell out. Mostly because well, been there, thought that, only without the banana pudding comparison. A lot of things in life look good at first, but then they get all yucky like old banana pudding. I gotta 'memba that one.

*side note: Speaking of "people watching", men, you are NOT invisible when sitting at stop lights. Just sayin'

Good night, blog.