Welcome to my world of run-on sentences and shameless over use of commas. All posts loosely based on true stories as viewed by a sleep deprived drama queen..........

Monday, February 23, 2009

Just when I think I've got it all under control....

...The LORD shows me otherwise. Okay, this is long, but I'm pouring out my heart here, so humor me. Did y'all notice I was gone? I've been on a field trip for the last couple of days. Not one where you get on a bus awaiting adventures untold. But rather one that involves my own pride, and self sufficiency, or insufficiency I've learned...the hard way. As an adult I have had a pretty high tolerance for pain and I have a wonderful husband who makes an excellent nurse. In the past, I have even been known to brag about making it through two C-section recoveries without opening the pain pills, and a hysterectomy recovery with only taking two, and yada, yada, yada.... I had a minor knee scope 9 years ago that I made it through with flying colors. Soooo,,,when I found out I was having knee surgery last week, it was NO BIG DEAL to me. I didn't call my family, the only friends that knew were ones that happened to call anyway, and the few of you that read here on a regular basis. I didn't put myself on the prayer list, or request prayer from anyone for that matter. I am ashamed to admit this, the only prayer I sent up myself was the night before the surgery, for the doctor. I guess I thought I "had this one".....ever been there? I would be fine. I would up and at 'em twice as fast as anyone I knew, I even told the doctor not to bother writing a pain prescription, I had a cabinet full of that stuff rotting at home. Notice that ugly one letter word up there that is repeated over and over?


Well let me tell you, I didn't have anything. When I woke up my husband told me that it was a lot worse than the doctor had thought. He wasn't able to help me much because my knee had the absence of any cartilage or fluid around the knee at all. They drilled some holes in the bones around the knee joint to try to produce bleeding to make a pocket of fluid around the knee joint. The doctor told Tracy this would be a temporary fix until I got a knee replacement. I was BUMMED out. I thought I was going to have the knee of a 25 year old when I came out of there. I'd be fine in two or three days. Did I ever pray and ask for that? Quick healing? Leg like new? Not once. Instead I was laying on the couch two, then three, then four days later, whining. Wondering what was wrong with me. I had been through at least half a dozen pain pills, Tylenol, nothing was helping for long. I couldn't get around well on my own, I was sore all over from laying down, as my OCD, ADHD self I'm not too used to that, so I was miserable.

Since I was laid up, I decided I would read. I'm at the end of a Beth Moore Bible Study on the Psalms of ascent. I've been doing and I have so loved it. I look forward to the homework and sometimes I even put it off as a treat for later. I picked it up and read, and re-read, it wasn't going passed my eyes. I tried reading just scriptures, same thing. It was like I was reading the words but they weren't going any where. Between the print and my brain, the words were floating away. Now I was confused and in pain. Finally I decided I would read something that didn't "require any thought" so I picked up a Christian novel. The entire story was based on a bad decision, and plan that was unfolding all because someone thought "they had it" instead of trusting God with it. On virtually every page, I said to myself, "when is this moron gonna get it?" As I got to the last chapter, THIS moron finally got it. I confessed my own pride, and false thoughts of self sufficiency in this whole ordeal. I called out to God for His healing, and peace that only He can give and He heard. Yes He did. Just like He heard the Psalmist in Psalm 132, which I finally was able to read. Thank you LORD, for taking care of me, and for forgiving my pride and hard headedness!!
Is there any area of pride or false thoughts of self-sufficiency going on in your life that you may not have recognized? If there is, turn it over to Him who is able to do ALL things.
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8 comments:

Melanie said...

God is so good and I'm always so thankful that He loves us just the way we are and too much to let us stay that way! I pray you're on your way to a quick and complete recovery. Thanks for sharing, Calista.

Melanie

Matt Mason said...

My knee surgery hasn't been as bad as you might think it will be for you. The one thing that appears to be the surprise is the pain that crutches are. I discuss it in my blog here:

http://www.planetsantabarbara.com/BlogEngine/post/2009/02/24/Crutches-Are-Bain-of-My-Existence-in-Knee-Surgery-Experiences.aspx

Matt Mason said...

My knee surgery hasn't been as bad as you might think it will be for you. The one thing that appears to be the surprise is the pain that crutches are. I discuss it in my blog here:

http://www.planetsantabarbara.com/BlogEngine/post/2009/02/24/Crutches-Are-Bain-of-My-Existence-in-Knee-Surgery-Experiences.aspx

Matt Mason said...

My knee surgery hasn't been as bad as you might think it will be for you. The one thing that appears to be the surprise is the pain that crutches are. I discuss it in my blog here:

http://www.planetsantabarbara.com/BlogEngine/post/2009/02/24/Crutches-Are-Bain-of-My-Existence-in-Knee-Surgery-Experiences.aspx

4 J's said...

Good blog. Great reminder for me that I am not in control and I don't need to be because I would be a mess. Thanks for the reminder. It made me hit my knees and give it all to Him. I miss you!

Suzanne said...

I found you from the 100 top faith blog lists. Oh, I feel bad about all that you've gone through. Your comments about your faith and your mothering made me think we could be blog friends. Just stopped to say hi! Take care! :)

Tina said...

Amen, Amen and Amen. I have been there, you know where you read and aren't really absorbing the words and you cannot understand why...I have been there many times!!! And when you finally "get it" (whatever "it" it - it's different for everyone)...its like alleluia!!!

The Farmer Files said...

Yes, I totally hear you on this one. I am not experiencing physical pain...but I totally underestimated the impact of this move.