Welcome to my world of run-on sentences and shameless over use of commas. All posts loosely based on true stories as viewed by a sleep deprived drama queen..........

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Today there will be intense excitement at our house. We are MAJOR Alabama fans, especially this year, since they are actually winning. Roll Tide!! Tracy's Uncle & Aunt are major Auburn fans.....they are here for the holiday weekend. Today the two teams battle it out. His cousin, who is also here, is a Tide fan. I can feel the rivalry in the air. If you are reading this and are not in the SEC, then just skip the post, cause you will likely not understand, and think we are all a bunch of inbred rednecks. That term was a bit redundant wasn't it? Anyway, we have football food a plenty. I expect to hear a lot of La-Z-Boy coaching, ref chastisement, and plain old fun!! Have a great weekend, 'see ya' Monday!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

Sorry I am posting this so late tonight. Thanksgiving is almost over. I've been too stuffed to type most of the day. I cooked for my family, and Tracy's Aunt, Uncle, and cousin, and of course the four of us. We had a really great time.

I also had a wonderful Birthday yesterday. Thank you everyone who called and emailed me. You guys are sweet. I got a Wii Fit. It is a BLAST. I can't tell you how shamelessly stupid I look trying to balance myself on that board to ski. I would show you if I knew how to put a video on youtube. But I don't. Suddenly the lack of technology is a blessing.......

Sydney told me, "Thank you for asking for a Wii Fit for your birthday. I know you did it because you thought we would like it. And I appreciate it." She was right, AND she was really thankful. I could tell she meant it when she said it, not just words. And it made me glad I did it. It also made me think about how it probably makes God happy when we tell Him thank you from a sincere heart. I don't know about you, but I want Him to have that same feeling I had of being glad He does the things He does for me, because He knows I sincerely appreciate it. Before you go to bed tonight thank Him for some of things He allowed you to have today. He is so good, all the time.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

You see, I have this soapbox....

and every now I then I take it out, blow the dust off, and climb right on... I ran into a couple that I used to know, at a restaurant today. They are a few years my senior and our paths don't cross alot. Actually, I had not seen the lady or her husband in some years. We exchanged normal pleasantries, and then got into the "where are you all going to church now?" conversation. I told them where I attended, and went on and on about how much we love it. She said, "oh, we visited there, don't you remember honey, it was the one were they sang those new songs, and raised their hands and stuff. That's just not for us." Dead on sister, it wasn't for you. It was for God. Let's don't forget it.

In the past, when you drove by churches you saw signs with wording that made you think. Catch phrases like, Chch, what's missing UR and things like that. Now, instead the signs read, "Contemporary Worship" or "Conservative Song Service". Is this what it's come too? I must say, I love the hymns. The old songs that we grew up hearing our grandparents sing, and our aunts play on the piano while somebody was cooking in the kitchen. They are great, oldies, but real goodies. So are the praise and worship songs. Most of them are taken straight out of the Psalms, not so new huh? Tell David you don't like his music.

I know we're made in God's image, though I'm not sure what all attributes we have in common. But I think when God hears people say such things, and sees churches squabble over worship meant for Him, he might throw up in his mouth just a little bit.

Okay, I'm puttin' the soapbox away now.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Thanksgiving Past.......

Ah, the happy pilgrim and reluctant Indian. I offered to make two pilgrim outfits, but Elly wanted to be an Indian, that is until the outfits were already made, and they put them on. Then suddenly she wanted to be a pilgrim, of course. They both looked really cute, once I caved and decided to let Elly wear her black church shoes instead of moccasins. I am certain all proper little Indian girls wore black patten Mary Janes on special occasions anyway.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Another weekend, another soccer game....

Love me some soccer, especially when my girlies are playin' but who ever invented the aluminum risers/bleachers really should be properly flogged. They are just hard enough to incite hemorrhoids in the best padded behind. On a positive note, they are alsoicy cold enough to relieve the painful swelling. There is no plus for the hump I will soon have on my spine from being slumped forward for hours on end in an attempt to avoid the knees of the person behind me. Side note to people sitting in the stands, make a list, get everything you need at the concession stand in one trip, 'cause if you step on my hand one more time, you may somehow get tripped up and fall on your way back up, just sayin'.

I am getting ready for the holiday. We are having family in from out of town. I can't wait. I love to cook, and stay up late and talk, and play games. Just relax. I hope you all have fun things planned.

Talk later!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Baby it's cold outside!

Oh the day, it has come to a close. The Fall Bible Study "To Live is Christ" by Beth Moore ended today. I always hate it when a study ends. I feel like I'm losing a friend. I guess you can add attachment disorder to my dossier of psychological grievances as if OCD, and ADHD weren't enough.

Winter has suddenly arrived in the North Mississippi region. The Farmer's almanac says it's supposed to be colder than normal this year. The high tomorrow is supposed to be 44. What up with that? It's not even Thanksgiving yet. Sydney is in bad need of some winter church clothes that actually fit her. So we headed to the outlet mall to see what we could find. I know I have written about this before, but once they cross over from a 6x, into a 7, you can forget cute little girl clothes. Gone are the dainty swing tops with flowers,and butterflys. Bye-Bye smocking, and embroidery. Hello Ho attire. And I'm not talkin' 'bout Santa Claus Ho, Ho, either. I have been to several stores, Kohl's, Penny's, Target, and Wal-Mart. Unless you're raising a Britany Spears prodigy, or you worship Hanna Montana you may as well hang it up.

We finally headed to the outlet mall thinking we could find something a little less trendy. I asked the sales lady if they carried any little girls clothes that really looked like little girls clothes. She looked at me like I was crazy. Well, not really, she looked at me like a weasel, because she looked just like a weasel, it would not surprise me at all if that woman burrowed into a whole a night. She took me straight to the pre-street walker pre-teen section. I told her that I didn't really like that style, that she is only 7, yes a pre-teen, but barely more than a preschooler. Her advice to me was, "learn to sew." I know how to sew. My advice to you is: "make sure you dig a deep whole, 'cause it's gonna be a cold winter."

My day ended on a fun note. I went to a friend's house for a Pampered Chef party, where some WONDERLISHOUS food was to be had. I got recognition for attending the most PC parties this year, coming in at somewhere around 728. The closest anyone else got to my attendance record was two. Clearly these people are shut-ins. Thanks for the invite J- and for the fine cuisine K!

I am going to bed now. But I am leaving you with a picture of one of the many dresses that I turned down.
If any of you know where they have some cute fabrics clue me in, it looks like I'll be sewing this weekend.
Good night.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hello blog people. I don't have much to say to you today. Mostly because I spent the day in my jammies until church time. I didn't feel well for the better part of the day today. I think I'm knee deep in a sinus infection. I felt horrible last night, and most of the morning this morning, but was doing much better by this afternoon.

I have my Bible study in the morning, and then I have to take all of our churches "Operation Christmas Child" boxes to the drop off center. Sydney was bummed on the way home from church tonight. When I asked her what was wrong she said, "how long do you think you'll be gone giving out those packages? I'm gonna miss you." Apparently she thought I was hand delivering each box to a child. That would be really cool, wouldn't it? If you have not packed a box, head on out and do one. I promise you won't be sorry you did. Click the widget to your right, if you don't know what Operation Christmas Child is.

I will be back to myself with all the foolish details tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Would you like a colonoscopy?

Hey peeps. Hope both of you are having a good day. I am sorry this post is so late in the day, but yours truly has had a MAJOR headache all day. It is finally letting up.

I survived the gastro appointment yesterday. The doctor was quite odd. I had a hard time keeping a straight face when he was talking to me. He was one of those people who is extremely intelligent, a quality I admire in someone tending to my health, and he was clearly well versed in every study that had to do with the whole gut system, and quoted several of them to me. He proceeded to tell me, AND I QUOTE, about "a breath test that could be done, in other parts of the country, but not here, and it's not accurate anyway so he's not sure why they do it, but in some cases they think it determines whither or not you have an abnormal amount of bacteria in your bowels." Ummmm, so doc, what would one call this test? ..... Mrs. Patterson, we'll be checking for fart breath this morning, so remember, no Tic Tacs. Gives a whole new meaning to Potty mouth, now doesn't it? I wonder, if you have diabetes, can they do a flatulence test to see if it smells like candy? Maybe Sydney could get a job in that department. I digress.

Anywho, he agreed with me that the source of my issues is very highly likely to be scar tissue/adhesions, because of the three abdominal surgeries I have under my belt....hahaha, get it, under my belt! He said it wouldn't hurt to go ahead and do the colonoscopy. Yeah, tell my bootie that. If you don't think I NEED it, this is one those things I'm not gonna opt for. He mentioned maybe just a good colonic, or cleansing, might help my discomfort. Yeah, I think I'll skip that one too. I get excited about a clean house, a clean colon, not so much. Besides all that, if I get mad, there won't be anything to hit the fan.

**disclaimer, in case my mother is reading this, no we don't use the word f*rt, in our house.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Hey Peeps. I thought I would check in before bed. It was a pretty calm day here at the Witness household. For the most part the inmates cleaned up, and played fairly well together with only one fight worth breaking up, and no home made weapons were involved, unless, of course, you take into consideration the Wii Baseball Bat.

I believe this brief lull in fighting could be due in part to the possibly broken foot of the *Notorious E.L.L.Y. who broke bad on Sydney last night and kicked her so hard she mangled her own foot. No, No, not really. She wasn't actually trying to hurt her, THIS time. They were playing soccer with a balloon, BARE FOOTED, and Elly missed the balloon and kicked Sydney in the shin, really hard. Elly is not the one in our house given to epic over dramatized injuries. She usually screams, the jumps up and takes off running. So, you can understand my concern when she let out that long "silent" scream, where the mouth is open, and the lips have turned blue from a lack of oxygen, and you're still waitin' for the sound to come out. She would not walk for the rest of the night, and even asked to go to bed. When she woke up this morning, she was much better, but still limping, so I think she may have just jammed a couple of her toes. I would like to think we could go an entire week without visiting their doctor's office.

Speaking of which....I go to the gastrologist tomorrow. I have no idea why. The pain that comes and goes in my lower abdomen caused my GYN doctor to suggest crack exploration a colonscopy. Instead of just scheduling the stinkin' test, pun intended, they called me to set up a consultation with the gastrologist before scheduling the exam. I am assuming of course, that the prior consultation is a direct result of the fact that it's Christmas time and the doc's got one or five kids he's buying for and needs the extra cash. I will keep you posted on the glorious events to follow.

*props to ya, Riley

Saturday, November 15, 2008

And the Tide just keeps on rollin' along.......What's that noise? Oh, it's just a Bull Dawg howlin' outside.....

I lurve my Bull Dawg peeps!!

Friday, November 14, 2008

And exactly why is it that......

...we can make artificial hearts, send people into space, store the worlds technology on a micro-chip the size of a pin head, and yet we can't make lettuce that tastes like chocolate? I am in bad need of loosing some weight. But I don't want to give up comfort food. Or exercise. I just want to take a nice little pill, go to sleep and wake up skinny. Tell me why that can't happen.

Consider all the other technology. I don't need a faster computer. I don't need a phone the size of the back of my earring. How am I supposed to hold something that little anyway? I just want a skinny pill. This clearly shows us that men are still in charge of the technical universe, 'else the priorities would be so different. If women were the technical gurus, we'd all have purses with churning devises that automatically brought everything from the bottom to the top each time you opened them. And refrigerators that suggested recipes based on what they had inside. You could just fill 'em with all kinds of rich foods, hit a button and it would suggest some wonderful recipe. Who could care less how fattening it might be, because you'd have the skinny pill when you were through. Now THAT'S technology I'd pay for.

Speaking of technology, some came to our house this week. I'm sure all of you have had the Tivo, DVR bidness going on in your house for a while now. But being a bit slow on the go, we got it this week. It is sooo cool. We can pause and fast forward live T.V. I may actually be able to watch television again. I have been without it for so long, I don't know what to think. We have not even been able to watch some really benign shows, just because the commercials were so bad. Now we don't have to worry about that any more. I won't have to cringe every time they advertise for another over the top drug company. Apparently every medication since Bayer Aspirin causes sexual dysfunction for pity's sake.

I used to know a girl who said she thought as long as you taught your kids your values, it was crazy to try to shield your kids from the stuff on television, because it was stuff of real life and they needed to get used to it. Yeah, I guess that's kinda true, in a thinking your kids will be okay running around in a room full of infectious disease patients because they took their Flintstones vitamins, kinda way. So, I'm glad to have the new technology, even if it doesn't make me skinny, or help me plan meals.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Randomness of my day.......

Hey peeps. I am finally home. We have been on the go all day. I don't recall my mother having to keep a planner for my activities. When I was 7. OR EVER. I don't' know what I have done to myself. I don't see it gettin' much better between now and the first of the year. Next month Christmas parties and all that junk holiday festivity will begin. We may as well pack a bag and live out of the trunk for the next month. I am sure we will be on the road more than home.

Have I ever introduced you to our dog Max? He is on the blog header wearing the lovely princess crown. The envy of male Shelties everywhere I am sure. He is actually my stepdog, as hubs brought him into the marriage. Max is nearly 12, and as a result, he has lost most of his hearing this past year. Have you ever heard the old saying you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Max has. He's not pickin' up on the sign language I've been trying to teach him at all. What is the sign for it's stinkin' cold, and I'm tired of standin' here, do your bidness and come in the house?

The Christmas list is growing. Sydney asked me today if I thought she might get a cell phone for Christmas. I'm sorry. Can you repeat that, did you say cell phone? Why yes, she did. At seven. What's she gonna do, call her friends to tell 'em Gummy Bears are on sale? Her Webkinz had a birthday? No, you can't have a phone! "Can I ask Santa for one?" she asked. There is irony in that question, is there not? Ummmmm, I don't think Santa does cell phones. They don't have good coverage at the North Pole.

Today Elly and Sydney were playing with their plastic horses, and Elly learned about "bucking broncos." They proceeded to frolic around the house, Elly pretending to BE a buckin' bronco, and have a grand old time. This was a new term for her, so everything suddenly was a "buckin' bronco" this, and a "buckin' bronco" that....innocent enough, I thought. It will wear out soon, says me. Fast forward two hours. We're getting ready to go piano lessons for Syd. Elly is brushing her hair, and it is sticking up ALL.OVER.HER.HEAD. I said, "Elly, what's up with your hair?" She said, "it's buckin' up like a bronco, it's just my buckin' hair." And then prances around the room saying, "my buckin', buckin', hair." Oh no. Moment of panic. If you know Elly, you know she has all of the cute 4 year old speech issues available. R's, S's, L's, the works. And, to top it off, she talks really fast like her Momma. "Buckin' hair" did not sound good folks. NOT.AT.ALL. But I've always heard not to make a big deal out of these things. After all, do I really want to tell her what it sounds like? I let it go, and so did she, temporarily. We had to pick some things up at the store after lessons, and there was a cute little toddler in there jumping around and playing. Elly loves to see smaller girls playing like this, it makes her feel big, and she goes on and on about how cute they are. The little girls mother was at the end of her rope with her "cute" little girl, and was just about to call me blessed at how well behaved mine were being, when Elly said, "Your wittle girwl is just buckin' up everywhaua, wike a bronco." Let me just say, I don't think she heard anything after "buckin' up." I'm sure she thought we were a bunch of heathens.

This ranked right up there with time Sydney had a hangnail on her middle finger and proceeded to hold it up in the air all day. After the second person honked at me driving down the road, I discovered she had her elbow on her armrest with her hand up against the window effectively dissing the world. I guess the passersby wanted to inform me of my ill behaved kindergartner......Maybe I should no longer let these things go.

Well, I think I am off to bed. I hope you all have sweet dreams.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Man Time

Is there a chart published somewhere which converts Man Time into real time? I'm asking this because right now my hubs is 3 hours and 12 minutes into a 30 minute job. This is not rare. I am not exactly sure of the conversion rate, but I think the ratio is somewhere around 12 minutes real time= 9.6 seconds Man Time. The way this usually works is that he'll have some project he's working on, generally involving pipes, wires, electricity, and other various "parts." He'll go into a long speel about how he is going to do this and this, and then that and then this, and the end result will be "____________insert, major home improvement here," and then he'll end his fairytale pitch with, "should take me about 20 minutes." Umm,, yeah, right.

You see, I want to go shopping, hit some of the Thrift stores and bargain shops, feed my frugal habit. And he wants to go with. But lo, I wait. I must say I am VERY thankful to have a hubby who is so handy around the house. OH, OH, I think he is ready, I'll post more later...bye bye for now....

Thursday, November 6, 2008

It's that time of year again....

Hey peeps!! What's up? Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? It occurred to me today that it's that time of the year again to start looking through isle after isle, and catalog after catalog at the TOYS!! With two little girls Barbie will of course be making her appearance. Sydney told me yesterday she wanted "the new Vet Barbie." That's just what we need for last years Barbie, "Dog Trainer Barbie," who has a dog that really poops little magnetic droppings, that you then put in the dogs dish and he eats, then poops,,you get the picture. Yeah, I'm thinking this dog needs a vet. And who ever came up with the idea, might consider some counseling. We also have Horse trainer Barbie, School Teacher Barbie, Cheerleader Barbie, Fashionista Barbie, and the list goes on. Only they really could all go by one name, Buck Nekkid Barbie, 'cause they never have any clothes on. It's no wonder Ken always has that spark in his eye. They're all in their plastic tub waiting for "Barbie the Vet" to come dwell amongst them.

I found myself googling Barbies this afternoon to see where I could find this plastic anatomical anomaly when I came across the Hard Rock Barbie, she came with a " black and red goth glam ensemble featuring a lace up corset top, short flared skirt(basically a belt), vibrant red fishnet stockings, edgy boots, and fingerless gloves, a silver nose ring, and a tattoo." Hmmmm,,,,is Skipper's mom still lettin' her hang out with Barbie? Where is Missionary Barbie when you need her? Anyhoo, I'm startin' to feel like Bono 'cause I still haven't found what I'm looking for. If any of you see her, let me know. I think I'll give up for now, I still have 48 days left.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Wordless Wednesday morning........

....almost, please join me in obedience as we pray for our president elect.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Fast food and fast hair cuts.......

Must we be in a hurry to do EVERYTHING? Yes, we must. That's why there is a Taco Bell, and a Super Cuts, Fantastic Sam's, insert hair chain name here, on every corner. I predict it won't be long before they have McDonald's franchises actually inside these hair cutting establishments. Men can have a bad burger, and get a bad hair cut at the same time.

A couple of weeks ago we had 12 minutes to spare between music lessons and soccer practice so hubs decided to get a hair cut. He pulled up to one of the above mentioned chains. I knew the idea was not a good one, when I saw a man coming out as we pulled up. He had Lego-head the likes I've never seen. It looked like someone had sculpted his hair from plastic and snapped it right on his head. I was apprehensive to say the least. But not hubs. "Oh, it'll be fine," he said. I decided the girls and I would wait in the car and read. Besides don't these places have some kind of guarantee, 'out in 5 minutes or less or the next one's free,' or sumpin like that? If they don't, they should. They wouldn't lose any money, no body goes back anyway.

Sydney quickly decided she had to use the rest room because she hadn't gone in at least 20 minutes and since the soccer field does not boast the cleanest rest rooms, we went in. I was horrified by what I saw. There sat my unassuming spouse with his hair being butchered by a blind woman. Seriously, she was squinting so badly I could not even see her eyes. AT.ALL. Does Mr. Magoo have a sister? Yes, I think he does, and she cuts hair in Hernando. I wasn't aware you could get a beauty license with the aid of a seeing eye dog. But apparently you can. Unfortunately for Hubs, and Mr. Lego-head, her dog was off that day. I knew there was gonna have to be damage control, so I went next door to the beauty supply and bought a pair of hair trimming scissors while he helped the lady to the register paid his bill.

We still had time to stop and get a snack at the drive through on the way to soccer. I ordered a spicy chicken wrap and a large Dr.Pepper with easy ice 'cause I don't like to pay $1.49 for a large cup of ice and three drinks of Dr.Pepper that are gone before I get to the street. Easy enough right? Now I know the Wendy's is not given to hiring Rhodes scholars for their drive through, they save that for management, but really. Is it that hard to throw a chicken strip in a tortilla and fill a cup? Yeah, I guess it is. As I watched through the window the girl filled my cup to the brim with ice, and jabbed it under the Dr. Pepper spout. She stood there staring at the cup as the Dr. Pepper flowed over the side, for like 2 minutes. Who knows what she was thinking, "would my hair look better purple? When will High School Musical 3 be out on video? Do the Jonas Brothers lipsinc....." who knows. But what she was not thinking about was my cup and the abundance of precious Dr. Pepper that had been spilled down that grate. She slapped a lid on and stuck the dripping cup out the window and said, "here ya go." "Ummmmm, do ya have a napkin available?" I asked. "Oh do you want me to wipe it off?" she said. I replied, "Well, considering the fact there's more DR. Pepper on the cup, than in it, maybe I'll just lick it off." Trixie said, "OK, do you still want the napkins?" My sarcasm was lost. "Yes, please."
Maybe we should slow down, eat at home, and buy a Flowbee .

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Hey Internet peeps! I am WORN out, but wanted to drop a few lines to keep you up to date. Did you all have a good "Lookin' Cute for Candy Day?" We did. We have tons of candy to prove it. Elly was an X-Ray but decided she did not want to wear the whole costume, only the shirt. So I guess technically she was a chest X-Ray, and Sydney decided to be a cowgirl, which just comes naturally for her. This was the first time Elly had ever really been trick or treating that she can remember and she was impressed. The first house had her a bit nervous when an old lady dressed well, like herself, answered the door in a loud voice and proceeded to rattle some type of fake cage with a doll in it and said it was her son....Elly turned around and said "that lady's crazy, she can keep her candy." But after that, when she saw how easy it was to get the free carbs she was all about it. Here is a picture of my little bonbon beggars.....

Saturday was as crazy as usual. We had two soccer games, luckily they were back to back this weekend. Then we spent a good part of the day running errands. Here are a couple of pics from that day...

Yes, that's my Elly with "no show" socks, and no cleats or shin guards. Does she get bruised up you ask? Yes, but it matters little to her. She will bear the pain, in order to be comfortable and not look "boyish"...whatever, not worth the fight, thank you very much.

See ya Monday!