Welcome to my world of run-on sentences and shameless over use of commas. All posts loosely based on true stories as viewed by a sleep deprived drama queen..........

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Twas the Night before Menopause.....

As many of you know my foe, menopause has taken over my life. I wrote this ode to the affliction tonight.......I would like to dedicate it to my friend Claire who is a pharmacist extraordinaire, and my friend Stephanie who is going through the EXACT same thing.....If either of them had blogs, I would prop them here,,,,,but they don't, so ....here goes.

Twas one night during Menopause,
And all through the house,
The children were hiding,
and so was my spouse.

From my yelling and crying ,
they all were aware,
The stress of no memory left me pulling out my hair.

Do all women go through this, and lose their clear heads?
I think I’m goin’ crazy, where are my meds?
With hubs soundly sleeping, I thought that perhaps,
I might get some sleep, if only a nap.

When just as I snoozed,
my dreams came to a shatter,
Hubs sat up in bed, and said,
“what is the matter?”

I threw off the covers,
I had a heat rash,
“quick, get me some ice,
It’s another hot flash.”

The sweat it was streaming in a long steady flow,
And I missed my ovaries, more than you know.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But my spouse with my hormone pills, he’s such a dear.

I pried open the bottle,
To take them so quick,
But the bottle was empty,
I think I’ll be sick.
Where is my memory?
I curse you my brain,
I meant to refill my pills, that keep me half sane.

On Estrogen! Progesterone! Testosterone too,
I can’t take one day without all of you.
As dry leaves that before a wild hurricane fly,
So flew my car through the darkness of night.

To find a pharmacy open at this hour I knew,
Would be a task -so hard to do.
I searched with blurred eyesight, each dimly lit roof,
When at last I saw “Wal-green’s”-- complete with drive thru.

I tugged at the wheel, quickly turning around,
When I gasped as I heard the police siren sound.

I was dressed in my bed clothes, from my head to my feet,
Not planning to move from my mini-van’s seat.
But the pad full of tickets he held in his hand,
Gave me the impression that wasn't his plan.

My eyes how they twitched, my voice how it carried,
As I begged and I pleaded his mercy not sparing.
“You made a U-turn, that’s illegal you know”
Were the words I heard spoken from the mouth of my foe.

“Just give me the ticket,” I spoke from clenched teeth,
“I’ll happily pay it, I just want relief.”
He had a grey beard, and a biggie sized belly,
With a stain on his shirt that looked like grape jelly.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Writing my ticket, that do-nut crazed jerk.
Then wiping my cheeks, my tears how they burned,
To the counter I headed to wait for my turn.

The pharmacist refilled my little blue pills,
The precious concoction that stifles my ills.

They heard me exclaim as I drove out of sight, I can’t wait to get home it’s been a long night…..
CDP 12-8-08

Merry Menopause!!


Ginny said...

Ohhh, I cannot WAIT to send this poem to my mom and aunt. You are hysterical...I'm telling you, publish these sistah, publish these!!!
Oh, and, please go check out my blog site...it's the last one for a while!! (SURPRISE, SURPRISE!!!)

All Rileyed Up said...

That was so hilarious. Really. It was. And I can't believe that you got a ticket. Lame.

The Farmer Files said...

BRAVO!!!! How long did this take to write with such beautiful cantor? You made me smile!