Welcome to my world of run-on sentences and shameless over use of commas. All posts loosely based on true stories as viewed by a sleep deprived drama queen..........

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Perfect Bra

Okay girls, today I am going to share with you, my search for a bra. If you find my talking about bras to be offensive, then please close your eyes and scroll down to the post about what I had for breakfast yesterday. I'll give you a second to decide.....

Here I go. Yours Truly is in dire need of some new bras. This is the one thing in life I hate, loathe and despise shopping for. Cute shoes, yes. Bras, not so much. My Mimi, bless her, still calls them brassieres. It's easy to see why it got shortened through the years to just plain old bra. I think it is an acronym for Brutal Rezoning Apparatus. I say rezoning, because if I don't put these dogs on a leash they get way down the block before I can catch them. Just sayin'. Anywho, the ones I currently possess are tired, and I mean worn slap out. My favorite bra died in the spring one Sunday morning as we were readying for church. I was just about ready to go, when I felt this stabbing pain under my right arm. I asked Hubs to please look under there for me to see if something had got in my blouse and stung me. I don't know why I thought something had, we aren't raising bees in the bathroom for heaven's sake. At any rate, he found the source of my pain and told me that the wire in my most beloved minimizer bra had poked itself a hole and was protruding right out the side into my flesh. OUCH! Immediately taking note of my grief at such a loss he said, "I think we can fix it." He left the room and returned with some wire cutters and a pair of plyers. Ummmm, whatchagonnadowiththose? "I was gonna just try to clip that metal off the end there, but maybe you should take it off first".....ya think? So I changed into the bra I hate. The one that squishes the girls together and makes it look like a have a speed bump across my chest, and decided we'd better go or I was gonna be late for choir. When I came out Hubs was in the garage with his plyers, a pneumatic sanding wheel, and my bra?? *disclaimer** DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME*** He cut the end of the wire off and sanded it so if it happened again, it wouldn't hurt so bad. Out of desperation I wore it a couple of more times, only to have it happen again, so out it went. I made it through most of the summer with speed bump bra and a couple of sports bras but the time has come for me to go in search of some bras. Any helpful hints would be much appreciated. I don't require a lot in a bra. Needs to be supportive, yes supportive is good, and each cup needs to know it's place, I'm tired of the unibreast. Anybody want to go shopping with me? Not so much, I'm sure..... Alright girls, I need a witness on this one, if you have a bra story leave it in the comments so's we can ALL feel your pain.


Ginny said...

Ok, I told you my bra story last night; for those who don't know, I FINALLY broke down and bought some new bras (Lane Bryant, no less)...they are so new that I felt like I couldn't completely put my arms down for the uncomfortable "I have a metal rod on my side" feeling. By the way, another name for speedbump is "uniboob"...ask me how I know!!!

Joey, Jennifer, Jordyn and Jana Claire said...

Quite possibly the funniest thing I have read lately! My problem is that I could probably go without a bra except for the fact that everyone would be wondering why I had two deflated balloons around my waist! Good luck and I feel your pain...literally!

nakedanarchists said...

As a 34 D I am a HUGE fan of the minimizer, thoug I'm not sure I would ever be desperate enough to "file it down", should the metal poke through--that just hurts.
I will say that I speaking at a conference once and the strap just busted, right then and there. It is not a subtle visual when you are standing in front of an audience and ONE boob heads south.
Can't believe I actually just pu that story into cyberspace.

Tater Mama said...

You're gooooood!

And I'm even more convinced that you, Ginny and I should get together. I need to meet my long-lost sister. I almost wrote and posted about needing new bras. Today. Yes, ma'am, I sure did.

I was at work YEARS ago and all of a sudden my bra just broke. The hooks just BROKE, and I didn't even have a lot of boobage to speak of, so I was most surprised. It wasn't like the hoisting device was working overtime or anything, but it was earning what I paid for it.

I stuck my head in my boss's office and said, "I'm going to have to run out for a quick little errand, but I'll be back really fast."

My boss said, "Oh, you know what? I need to run a couple of errands, too. Let's just get lunch and go together."

"My bra just broke, Ed."

"You know what? I'll just see you in a while."

Bless it.

calista said...

Alright Ginny, how do you know??

Tater Mama said...

I'm kind of curious how Ginny knows, too.

The pressure is on to tell it! :)

joann said...

Okay, I have to share. I was a wedding years go and while just sitting at the table. Maybe reaching for my drink, my underwire broke in half UNDER my right breast. My eyes got real big and I don't remember what I said. But to make them look EVEN, I had to go in the bathroom and break the other one then remove the wires. I'm sure I was looking fine in my nice clothes with long boobies. That's what we lovingly refer to them at home.

I FEEL your pain. did you find a new bra? Vanity fair ones feel best to me.

joann said...

I had an underwire break at a wedding. To matters worse, I had to go to the bathroom and break the other one to make them look even. I am so glad I carry a leatherman's tool in my purse. There is no way I could have broken and removed those painful things without it. I'm sure I looked great in my fancy clothes and LONG BOOBIES.

I feel your pain.